Some wonderful questions from real court cases.
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Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Were you alone or by yourself?
How long have you been a French Canadian?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
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Some wonderful answers:
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
*****
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
*****
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
*****
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Dead people are hard for lawyers:
Q: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
*****
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said: "Your honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
